Yep, Still Prego!

If the last month of anticipation & the body changes aren't enough, having people asking you if you've had the baby the entire month will do you in. Seriously.

If you are anything like me, you're patience are pretty much toasted because you are uncomfortable, tired & full of asking yourself when you think the baby is coming. Not to mention, you may be dealing with a toddler (or other kids) running around your house demanding your attention.

I know for me, it was definitely easier waiting on the 1st one, I'm not sure why, but probably cause it was more unknown. This time around I remember bits & pieces of how I felt and then I think I am getting close and another week passes & here I am. But I have to remind myself, little man only came 2 days early, so we are just hitting that. Evidently, I need to remind others of that too.

I understand people get excited, as do I. But I don't recall myself texting my cousins or others asking if the baby has come yet. I think to myself 'hmmm, they must be getting close' or 'oh they never opened my snap...I wonder...", but I will in no way ask the mom-to-be if they baby is there. She is uncomfortable, exhausted & full of her own concerns & anticipation, she doesn't need me harassing her too!

So yes, I'm still prego. If you are on the short list for the announcement, please respect the mom-to-be and don't ask on repeat. She or dad will let you know when the day comes, let them enjoy or relax on their final days before it the new addition comes.

Schedule vs. Routine

I recently read something that made a quick explanation between a schedule & a routine and I immediately was like yes!!!

• A schedule has times, times that must be hit to make it successful. Times that cause stress when you miss it.
• A routine is a pattern of things that happen but don't have a specific time they must be done, it allows flexibility.

When you enter parenthood, you start to use these words 'schedule' 'routine' in your regular conversations. But they shouldn't be used interchangeable.

There are the parents that are stuck on a time schedule, baby must eat at these times, sleep at these times...blah, blah, blah. It leaves little flexibility for unplanned events, times when something is out of your control and it starts to raise anxiety in them. Which as a parent isn't good, let's be honest the babe probably can't tell until it senses something different in the parent. Ride it out.

With a routine, there is flexibility in the time. Babe knows rocking with a bottle and jammies is right before bed, doesn't matter the time. And so much less stress on the parent when they day has been hectic.

Okay, truth I was a little OCD on certain activities and times for the first part of my little guy's life. It took me a while to realize it didn't matter if bedtime was varied by 20 mins because something threw us off, or if we had to push bath time back a day. It happens life is hectic, babe doesn't realize it, they just want you to be there and love them. And if you are stressed you aren't full there for them.

Just a fresh perspective on your day - are you a schedule or a routine?

Nursery Furniture

To finish off the nursery, I wanted to redo some furniture that we had. The changing table was the hardest to come with. My mom & I pinned a bunch of different options before finally determining the desk was the right option. I brought home a ton of paint samples and eventually went with Bermuda Bay. I love my mint green, but knew it wasn't quite right, so had thought about teal before finding this color which is kind of a mix of both.

We sanded down the old furniture we had and then painted, 3 coats later it was essentially done. I tried to polyurethane over the paint to make it shine and easier to clean and that was a failure. Luckily I had just done the drawers of the desk. Turns out if you try to do that with old wood it pulls what I can the wood oil and gives it a yellowy tint and definitely not what I wanted. So sanded down the drawers and repainted them. All was good.

Then I found new knobs for both that matched each other so they now look like a set, because they were far from a set when we started!

Here's the picture report:

Prepping for Baby

We've officially had a baby shower and are in the homestretch. I am not a huge fan of showers, I hate having all the focus on me, I know it's friends and family that are happy for you, but boy is it out of my comfort zone.

But my sister put together an awesome shower and am grateful to have the love, support & gracious gifts of my family & friends.

Up until now I knew I was getting bigger and the baby was there, but with all the things filling up the nursery it is now sinking in that this is real. And we will have a little one joining us soon. We are in the 'safe' zone of this pregnancy.

After the shower, I used some of the decorations and gifts to get the nursery decorated. I started pulling things out of boxes and trying to organize. It blows me away how many items a baby uses at the start of life and what will be used during their development through the 1st year of life. It is incredible how far they come, how much their personality will change and how it will change you as a person.

Every night and on the weekends, I have been leaving the nursery room door open to allow the cat and dog to come in & sniff around. I don't want them to be locked out of it and reach shock when we introduce a new family member. The cat is currently in love with the stroller and the dog loves one of the super soft blankets. Sadie also feels the need to know where I am at all times, she makes sure she knows where I am before she takes her naps which is typically right next to me on the floor. Her dog senses are kicking in and she's protecting me and the baby, pretty sure she's going to be a good fur sister. And I also sense she will know when I am in labor before I do.

I can't say my nesting has hit in full effect, but I definitely have decided to have the nursery ready and also my hospital bag. If I am anything like my mom there is a chance we will be going early and I don't really want to have to have a neighbor pack my bag the 1st time like she did! :)

Reading Nook

Never stop the dreams, little one.

Glucose Test

Okay, this was one test I was nervous about, not that I would have Gestational Diabetes, but that it wasn't a fun test.

From what I had heard it was a long test, the drink was awful and I'd probably get sick or lightheaded from it.

Wrong.

The fruit punch we had in Bible School all through elementary school definitely had more sugar in it than the fruit punch glucose drink I had to drink.

I made sure I didn't over carb before the test and just had a bit of fruit before I headed in. Took one sip of the drink & was shocked that it wasn't a thick syrup of sugar gross-ness.

The only part that kind of stunk was sitting in the waiting room for an hour until I could have my blood drawn. The rest was a piece of cake.

Everyone reacts differently, but this is definitely not anything to get worked up about! :)

6+ months coffee free

Yes, it's true. The girl who typically drank from a coffee mug as big as my head hasn't had coffee in over 6 months. The day I discovered I was pregnant again, I had poured myself a cup of coffee and an hour later it was still just as full because I couldn't stand the taste of it. Then as the pregnancy progressed the smell of brewing coffee made me gag. So lucky for me, I didn't have to go through the caffeine headaches as I stopped drinking coffee cold turkey & lucky for the baby, they don't have to deal with the jolt of the limited amount of caffeine I could have had from coffee.

In the fall, the 1st thing I wanted after my miscarriage was a hot steamy coffee, something I had missed over those 9 weeks. It was the the symbol of the end of the pregnancy. I could have coffee.

This pregnancy, I'm good leaving it alone. At first it was easy, but as I started to feel better and it didn't make me gag, I was like I could have a decaf. But I've held out, I don't need it to survive, and to me holding out is now the symbol of the healthy and continuing pregnancy I am going through.

Will I need it after the baby is born? Will it even taste good anymore? I don't know. I'm sure I'll need caffeine at times, but hey it may be something that changes.

Why I Don't Care to Know the Gender

As my little brother says, "with technology these days, why wouldn't you find out the gender?"

Short Answer: I don't want to, it won't change if I have the baby or not or if I love them or not. Same with the genetic testing, I don't care, and I don't need to know.

Long Answer: Why does it matter that I know?

It doesn't change how I carry the pregnancy, I still have a baby growing inside of me, it's kicking, I've been sick, I go to my appointments, I follow the diet, I grow out of my clothes, etc.

I don't plan to paint my nursery pink or blue, I want it to be neutral. I plan to have more kids, so why would I want a room I am going to have to paint over & over again?

I don't want to have a shower where I get 57 headbands for my little girl. I want to have a shower that would provide me with things I actually NEED to have a kid and kids in the future.

I don't want my kid defined by their gender color, pink or blue. I am not a big fan of pink, so I don't want them dressed in their gender's commercially assigned color. I want to have it open, let them decide if they want to be a princess or an outdoorsmen on their own.

I don't want to have a name picked out that I am calling the unborn child, sure we have names we like but maybe they just won't fit when I see the new baby. I don't want to be calling my stomach, Shania or Jim, Baby O. suits it just fine.

I like the sense of not knowing, it doesn't change how I am feeling through the pregnancy, the unknown is just part of becoming a parent. How they will behave is unknown, how it will change me is unknown, why not just relax and live with the unknown.

My love for them will not change if they are a boy or a girl, Greg's love for them will not change. We enjoy the mystery and don't think we'll change in the future either.

ADDITION: This came up on my Facebook feed this morning, I fully agree with this post: http://www.scarymommy.com/not-find-out-boy-or-girl/

Life Changes Quickly

Well, as quickly as life shuts a door another is opened. While drinking a cup of coffee in December that I could barely gag down, I realized I may be pregnant again. I didn't know what to do, I was still freaked out and emotions were still whacked by the miscarriage. As the weeks went by I finally was able to step out of the denial of being pregnant again enough to call the doctor's office to make an appointment.

I have switched offices, and let me state from the 1st appointment on, I have felt more welcomed, comfortable and informed at my new office than I did at the last one. This time we actually told our family members earlier, I wanted to have a support system around me if anything happened again, I didn't want that alone feeling.

We had our initial ultrasound and the heartbeat was very strong, I just wanted to keep listening. It was such a change compared to the last ultrasound I had seen. The weeks continued, my stress level between appointments remained, those 4 weeks in between were tough because I didn't know what was happening. The one thing I could find ease in was being nauseous and sick for 15 weeks, I knew if I was sick, things must be continuing to progress. While I no way enjoyed it, I found comfort in it.

Just before we hit 20 weeks, I started to feel the movements, another great ease in my mind. Probably more ease than the monthly appointments listening to the heartbeat, because this could be felt daily. Then the 2nd ultrasound made it more real with new measurements and images.

As the weeks progress and we long to meet the little one in August, I find comfort in the kicks that keep me awake. And treasure the exhaustion more than I may have before.

Truth

Okay, honestly I thought I was improving, emotionally and physically.

But to my surprise, making my way back to the class Greg & I had been taking was a bit rougher than I anticipated. Greg ended up not going, but I pushed myself to go anyway. As I made my way through the 1st set, I could feel the exhaustion take over my body. This is not a normal feeling for me and as we pushed further into the workout I realized that my energy still wasn't where it had been and I was more out of shape than I have been in my life. I survived and will go back but clearly it isn't as quick of bounce back as I had hoped.

Emotionally, I struggle with every birth announcement that has been published on a social media site. I know I am in the age when people start to settle down to have a family, but it is hard to see someone having the initial happiness that I also felt just weeks ago. Friends and family alike, I have happiness for them, but I really don't know how to show it right now.

Being in conversations where people start to ask others about having a baby or teasing them about it makes me uncomfortable. I have found myself excusing myself to walk away, as I do not know if I will cry or say something I shouldn't.

That's where I'm at. And it's a lot easier to tell someone about a miscarriage than have them say things that hurt. I know it catches them off guard and I don't want them to immediately feel bad for me. I want them to understand that sometimes someone is struggling and unless you know them well enough, it may not be your place to tease them, spread rumors or ask those types of questions.

Rough Road

We've made it through 1.5 years! As I said in my blog a year ago, it hasn't been easy, but it's been worth it.

We have gotten nicely settle into our house, it feels like home. We've told each other that many times, we just feel more at home here.

The last month has been rough, we went through the excitement of finding out we were pregnant and told our parents. While we anxiously waited for an ultrasound and came to terms that things would be changing, things started to not feel right. After calling the doctor's office for a 2nd time, the nurse told me to come in. As I watched the screen of the ultrasound, my fears became the truth and were further verified by the tech, 'there is no heartbeat'. And just like that it was done at 9 weeks.

It sucked. I bawled as I attempted to tell my mom. I didn't go back to work. I went home & cuddled my pup, sat with Greg & walked.

While I thought it was done, my system had to clear. While the worst of it was over quickly, the weekly blood draws drug on. Every Friday, I stopped at the lab for another draw. Waited until Monday to talk to a nurse, to hear I needed to go back. My count dropped rapidly at first, then it slowed...and slowed to a painful pace. I just wanted it over, the pit of my elbows were bruises. Finally, after 6 weeks, they said it was to an okay level, I was clear. And then it was officially over.

It is crazy how much more aware of pregnancy announcements you are during that time. It is painful to see cousins and friends announcing their pregnancies. You are happy for them, but you don't know how to react.

I have been focusing my energy on fixing up our house and decorating, things I put off over the last year. Also getting myself back to the gym. Greg and I also are now Fitbit wearers, we are using it to challenge each other to get ourselves moving, but also good to have a little competition.